the worst croissant in the world

gate 12, lima international airport
april 8th, 2013

i'm often asked: "edwin, where in the world is the worst croissant?"

yesterday i think i found my answer.

it's hard to represent just how sad and stunted they were. pasty, pale pastries, half the size of their european cousins. retarded still births, wrinkled and ruined. were they starved of air?

i'm no bully, so naturally i took pity and ordered two. i had a mouthful, delicately spat it out, and slipped the rest in the bin. no sugar! sweet nothing. this is no way to start the day. admittedly it wasn't the start of the day; the day had started, and was traipsing along behind me without much enthusiasm, but that isn't the point, and no airport cafe should ever deign to think to challenge it.

the funny thing is that the cafe seemed to pride itself on its home-made batch cooking. a staff member pulled a tray of freshly-baked gnomes out of their oven in sight of us all. all tiny and all terrible, as if this ain't nuthin'. perhaps they are a local speciality; perhaps my eurocentrism should back off and accept them for what they are: not-croissants, uncroissants, crassoints. perhaps not.

by a strange quirk of fate i managed to 1-2 myself, buying in mid-transferred desperation an overpriced and ineffective neck pillow. this design was, i promise, the least offensive on offer. regardless, it just didn't fit, and i'm sure my neck isn't thinner than most. it was weedy.

here they are together--bastard bed-fellows.

a bad day.