Monday, 11 April 2011

seizure salad

gordon ramsey's plane food should be the shittest restaurant in the world, for several obvious reasons: gordon ramsey is involved, but has certainly never stepped foot in the kitchen; it's in an airport; and it's full of assholes like me. however, once you get past all of these factors, and take yor seat 'neath what could well be the worst ambient lighting ever, it's actually quite nice. primarily because it's cheap and, you know, unfussy. for an airport. oh, and the caesar salad looks like this:


boy! squidgy egg yolks really turn me on. and check the croutons: hand-hewn from sandstone by stakhanov himself.

i don't know the first thing about caesar salads. they're like martinis in that affectionados will judge their merits and demerits with reference to an obscure century-old code. irrelevant, but entertaining. so how does this rate to the original caesar salad, famously invented by man-with-the-plan julius one idle day in 1793 while taking a bath in cleopatra's fetid breast milk...? i'd say... a 7.3, with added marks for the acrobatic bacon.

it is, as you can see, covered in spunk. it turned out to be anchovy-flavoured spunk--which, if you're walter, is the worst kind of spunk. he doesn't like seafood at all, due to an unfortunate incident in his youth involving a swimming pool, some loose-waisted board shorts, and a truck load of cod roe. and so his salad was left mostly untouched, while mine was polished off with quasi-genocidal relish.

jack is afraid of plain food (truly the pun that keeps giving), so he ordered the "i'm a fussy little shit" takeaway-picnic. it turned out that gordon had actually been in the kitchen at the time, as he left this little note:


what a guy.

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